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Ironclad predictions for the new year

Jan 01, 2019 - Chicago Tribune

Greetings, and welcome to the latest edition of Rex Huppke's Ironclad Can't-Go-Wrong New Year's Predictions.

As most of you know, I possess the power of precognition, having been bitten by a radioactive psychic back when I was a teenage comic book character.

Because I have no recollection of any past predictions or whether they came true, I can confidently claim they were all 100 percent accurate. If I don't know something is wrong, it has to be right. That's just basic math.